Blue Ewe keeps you cool. Copyright 2025.
That’s what they’re trying to drill into Bex’s head at the orientation day for his new job. With the power of Blue Ewe Energy Drinks, busy college students have the ability to work hard to be the next world-changing generation while still having time to play hard.
The job is officially called Buchanan Student Marketeer, a part-time minimum wage position only open to current Buchanan University students focused on positive brand representation and dynamic on-campus visibility. The job is colloquially called the “Blue Fairies,” adored by wide-eyed freshman impressed that college really is like the movies. Two people rove around in pairs and hand out as much Blue Ewe as possible. Bex tried it once the first week of college, thought it tasted like battery acid, and hasn’t had it again until now.
The presentations are headed by Candy and Yahir, two of the most obnoxious people Bex has ever met. Candy is wearing this low-cut top that makes her boobs jiggle every time she jumps, which she makes sure to do as much as possible. Yahir makes dumb frat guy jokes as often as he can and the entire room bursts out laughing like he’s the next messiah. It pisses Bex off that they’re the same age as him, the same year as him, hell, the same job title as him. Everyone here is making 15.95 an hour, they’re just leading it because they look like the target market of Blue Ewe.
Candy and Yahir come around and pass out little samples of all of the flavors – Yuzu Lime, Strawberry Lemonade, Mango Coconut, and Orange Creme (or as it tastes to Bex, battery acid, battery acid, battery acid, and battery acid.) Yahir leans over Bex’s section of the desk as he brings the standard flavor out.
“You like?” he asks with a smile. Bex has to try not to look at the dog’s teeth, his nose ring, his fluffy hair poking out of his backwards cap.
Bex takes a little sip like it’s mouthwash. It’s actually the best of them all, kind of like bubblegum through a pasta strainer. “It’s good,” the black cat says, trying to not sound like an asshole on day one.
“Yeah it is, boy.” Yahir knocks him on the back and goes back to the front of the room.
The rest of the presentation is spent showing the new hires a bunch of testimonial garbage about how much college students love Blue Ewe Energy Drinks. Yahir and Candy are really just there to look pretty and to go fuck in the locker room afterwards.
Bex puts his hands in his paws and daydreams about Yahir. He’s the exact kind of guy Bex has had hopeless crushes on since age 12. Tall and big, a little bit of a belly poking at his tank top, brown fur that gets lighter around his tummy which you can see through the shirt. Rough and fratty and straight. His freshman year of college he made good friends but didn’t even think about trying to date, trying to have sex. As of right now, he plans on being a virgin forever.
Candy turns the light back on and starts reading from a clipboard. “Alright, so we’re going to split into our groups and go get ready for our first shifts!” She reads names off in pairs of two, one newbie and one lead. The leads all cheer like this was blessed by God.
“Finally, our last group is going to be Bex and Yahir!”
One last cheer. Bex looks over at Yahir with wide red eyes. Yahir is just grinning back.
“Alright, guys!” Candy says. “Let’s get out there and give out some Blue Ewe!”
And everyone applauds.
He makes his way over to Yahir nervously. He’s like a head taller than the cat.
“This is gonna be fun,” Yahir says, showing Bex over to the supplies table. “This is gonna be so much fun, dude.”
There’s a giant backpack shaped like a Blue Ewe can that they store the drinks, Blue Ewe beanies, Blue Ewe snapback hats, Blue Ewe shirts, Blue Ewe sweatpants, Blue Ewe stickers, Blue Ewe buttons, Blue Ewe postcards, literally Blue Ewe condoms. Anything you could slap a Blue Ewe logo on is on this table. The crown jewel is the stacks and stacks of Blue Ewe sitting in the middle. It must be a thousand dollars of it sitting right there.
“And we get to have as much of it as we want. Isn’t that awesome?”
“Yay,” Bex says flatly, “Battery acid.”
Yahir laughs a little too hard at that. “What did you sign up for the job for?”
Bex knows the interview’s over, but he still doesn’t want to tell the truth. The need-based scholarship only goes so far and he needs money for groceries. Do people get jobs for anything besides money? He waffles for a second before eventually saying, “It’s kind of like a Mormon mission.”
Yahir cocks his head.
“Um. I dunno. I like people. It seemed fun.” That is true, in the sense that Bex is a sociology major, but talking to people is definitely not his strong point. He’s proving that right now.
Yahir laughs. “Mormon mission. Dude, you’re a riot.”
“I mean, it is. You go out in groups of two with your mission companion, you preach the gospel. Wear the clothes. Sell the idea.”
“Are you Mormon or something?”
“I’m an ex-Mormon.”
“Like from Utah?”
“I grew up there, yeah.”
“And you like wore the underwear and everything?”
“I never, uh, received an endowment, uh…” Bex swallows. This is so stupid. The frat boy in front of him clearly does not know or care about what he’s saying. He just wants to give people Blue Ewe. “...Temple endowment.”
“Dude. I received hella endowment.” He puts his paw up for a high-five and Bex limply gives him one. “Just kidding. It’s average.”
“That’s nice.” Bex has an entire fantasy of Yahir sending him a dick pic comparing his dick to a can of Blue Ewe which is really just a covert advertisement. He bites his thumb and shakes it from his head.
Bex grabs a beanie and a men’s medium shirt that’s a little big on him and excuses himself to the bathroom to change. He takes a deep breath and splashes his face with cold water, then puts his new outfit on. It looks so dumb. It looks huge on him since he’s only 5 foot 5, so he tucks it in and loosens the fabric a little in an effort to get some fashion out of it. It’s a very blue outfit.
When he steps out, Yahir is leaning against the wall flirting with Candy. Her boobs jiggle boobily. Bex steps near them and waits for them to finish their conversation. Eventually Yahir notices him standing there and grins. “Hey, bud. You look good!”
“Go Blue Ewe,” he deadpans.
“Fuck yeah! Go Blue Ewe!”
“Looks like you two are about ready to head out,” Candy says.
“Wait, lemme get the new shirt on.”
Right in front of them, in front of the view of everyone, Yahir takes off his shirt. It is impossible for Bex to look away. Against his best interest, he stares right at the dog’s fluffy tummy while he puts on the new shirt. Candy does too. Probably everyone in that room. He looks great – nice and muscular with a little chub, cute little gold necklace hanging over his pecs. The impulse to pray about the next 15 hours a week for an entire school year hangs over Bex. This is not going to go well.
And man, does he pull off the stupid Blue Ewe shirt.
“You wanna go hand out some Blue Ewe?”
“Sure.”
“So, what are you majoring in?” Yahir asks, the classic first question everyone at Buchanan asks.
Before Bex can get anything out, a gaggle of girls swarm over to them. “Blue Fairies!” one squeals.
“Hey hey hey, girlies,” Yahir grins. “Y’all want some drinks?”
He stands behind me and unzips the backpack. I just look pretty, I guess. He pulls out two for each of them, eight total, and hands them over.
“You girls have a good day now, you hear?”
They all thank him and swing on his arms and tweak his nipples.
That happens twice, him asking what Bex is majoring in and getting interrupted by a group of girls, before Bex can finally get an answer in. “Sociology.”
He makes a terrified face, then gasps.
“What?” Bex blurts, glancing behind him.
Yahir laughs. “Dude. Nothing there. Got you.”
“Asshole.”
“You like it, man.” Yahir laughs some more, like it was some really biting comedy he just did. “Hold on, let’s get these guys some Blue Ewe.”
What a fucking asshole. An asshole who really knows how to give people shitty energy drinks. People are lapping him up. He asks how they are and always thinks of some charming response, always compliments them or tells them to have a safe night and to stay hydrated.
Once Yahir decides he doesn’t want to humiliate Bex with stupid frat boy jokes, the two make small talk as they head towards the main quad. Yahir is a frat boy, not surprisingly, he’s studying engineering, and he fucking loves Blue Ewe. Maybe he just gets off on being so popular or maybe he really loves the taste of licking a battery but he really actually likes it. He pops three over the course of the night.
Yahir doesn’t get any less crass. When the quad is much busier than he thinks, he remarks, “Fuck me,” then quickly follows it up with, “Not literally though, haha.” They make it through that and Yahir lets Bex do some of the talking, where he follows the same exact script each time and makes it out alive.
Four hours later, they make their way back to home base. It’s a lot quieter on the way back, so they have time to discuss the important things.
“So what’s the deal with the Mormon garments?”
“Oh, um. They’re sort of a reminder of the covenant, uh, or like the deal you made with God and they protect you.”
“And they’re all baggy, right?”
“They cover up a lot of your body.”
“What do you wear now?”
Bex laughs. “What?”
“Like boxers?”
“Uh…”
“Or like lingerie? You one of those cute boys who’s walking around in lacy lingerie?”
Bex blushes hard, hopefully not visible through his black fur. They walk in silence for a few moments as Bex tries to figure out what the hell to say. The bag is a lot lighter now that there aren’t 500 cans of Blue Ewe in it.”
“Hey, I’m just ribbing you, man,” Yahir says, putting a paw on his shoulder. “I hope I didn’t upset you.”
“No, sorry, it’s okay. Um. Mmm. I guess I’ve just never really. Yeah.” He laughs.
“Dude, you’re so cool. Can I tell you something?”
“Yeah?”
“We drafted our companions and you were my first choice the whole time.”
“Really?”
“Really, dude.”
There’s that same toothy grin. Ironically, Bex has to look away.
“Why me?”
“I dunno, you looked cool. I didn’t want a girl. Maybe I had some inkling you’d know how to do a mission? Hahaha.”
“You’re pretty cool too.”
He pats Bex’s back. “Dude, you ready to end the shift?”
“I’m just about ready.”
“You want a Blue Ewe for the road?”
“What the hell, sure.”
Yahir hands Bex a Blue Ewe as they get everything into the lockers.
As gross as he finds it, he finds himself drinking the whole thing as he walks back to his room. Maybe he isn’t as obnoxious as he thought. Maybe he’s more than just hot.