I’m jackhammering Hawk right now and there’s only one thought going through my head:
I’m going to marry him.
I’m fucking him so hard that my thoughts are all sort of just slime in my brain, but there’s one thing that keeps coming up. I’m going to marry him. I’m going to marry Hawk. With each thrust, I feel it all throughout my body. I’m going to marry that dog.
I’ve had that thought basically our entire relationship. It’s been a year since we started dating that fateful summer, a year since we moved to California together, and there hasn’t been a day that that thought hasn’t crossed my mind. I already know what domestic bliss with Hawk feels like, what it feels like to be his equal, his boyfriend, the most important person in the world to him. Marriage is just that but official. And just like when we were just friends and I yearned about getting to be something more, now that we’re boyfriends I’m still yearning.
Something about the warm summer air, the way we leave the window open when we’re going to bed and wake up to the smell of petrichor filling our apartment, the world cranking back to where it was a year ago, it’s making that urge bloom once more in my body. I feel within me a swelling, like I’m on a wave in the ocean. I need to marry him. I need to hear him call me his husband, I need him to put a ring on my finger, I need to be with him forever.
“I love you,” I moan, thrusting deep inside of him. “I love you so so so so much…”
JJ is fucking me as hard as he can and there’s only one thought going through my head:
I’m going to marry him.
The thought popped into my head for the first time a couple of weeks ago, after our first (non wetsuit) swim of the summer. We stepped out of the ocean together in our little Speedos, holding paws, warm sand on our feet. Then we toweled off and sat down together to look at the sunset. I looked over to him looking forward with a paw shielding his eyes, squinting, tongue stuck out. I chuckled a little bit, always charmed by JJ’s little quirks. He looked at me and smiled his nervous little smile, then went right back to looking at the oranges and pinks painted across the sky.
And then I sort of just realized it. I want to marry him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. As JJ thrusts himself to me and I feel his warmth fill my entire body, I know this is what it’s like to be one with JJ. Like when we get stoned together and can’t do anything but cuddle, our entire bodies pressed together, fur merging into one big mass. We can be two boyfriends together, two dogs together, we can fuck every single night and fill each other up. We can get married. We can get married and we can be one.
As he lets one last thrust into me, professing his love for me into my ear, I know it to be true. I’m going to get a ring. I’m going to get down on one knee. I’m going to marry him.
“I love you too,” I moan back. “I love you so much, dude.”
After the dogs finish, the two of them fall back onto the bed. With their eyes shut, the warm summer heat pouring in through the window, the two find each other’s paws and hold each other tight.
Hawk takes in a deep breath. “Dude?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I ask you a weird question?”
JJ giggles. “Sure.”
“Do you remember when we met?”
“Is that the weird question? Because I do remember.”
Hawk chuckles. “No, no. Uh. Weird question coming up. I was just thinking, dude. Like. I was so… broken, then. I was so broken then, you know? Sydney had passed away and I couldn’t bear to be in California anymore. I was living in New York with no friends, no family but Keoni, no job, no way to go swimming–”
JJ laughs. “Sorry. That’s just– sorry, please continue.”
“I like swimming, man!”
“I knoooow.”
“But yeah. Everything I knew was turned upside down. And then… you were there. You were coaching me at the construction site and you were so… kind. So kind and so sweet and so funny.” He swallows. “I was broken. I was broken and… you helped put me back together.”
JJ sniffs. “That’s how I feel too.”
“Yeah?”
“Being with East changed my life, but I felt so… different, you know? I felt like I was just his frickin’ dog. I felt below him. I had all of these confusing sexual urges, all of this– JJ, you know, all of this me that didn’t make sense. I loved being with him but I wasn’t me, I was his idea of me. And then we broke up. And after we broke up, what was even left of me, you know? Just some autistic dog.”
“I think you’re a sexy-ass autistic dog.”
“Thank you.” He giggles. “Yeah. I know what it feels like to have all of these pieces of you that just don’t make sense. And you helped me put them back together. I get it.”
“Yeah.”
“Why did you bring that up?”
“Oh.” Hawk grabs his sea shell necklace. “Oh, man. Um. I just wanted to ask you something.”
“Uh huh?”
“And this doesn’t mean anything, this doesn’t like, like this doesn’t mean anything beyond this question, I’m just trying to get a feel for what, you know…”
“What are you talking about?”
“Shit.” Hawk sits up. “Dude, what would you think about getting married?”
JJ shoots up, his tail thwapping against the bed. “What? Like right now?”
Hawk laughs. “Not right now, not right now, but… like… what do you think about just the idea of us getting married someday?”
JJ puts his paws over his face. “Did I say something in my sleep or something?”
“Have you been thinking about it?”
JJ nods sheepishly. “Since the day we started dating.”
Hawk grabs JJ’s paw and holds it tightly in his. “Oh, man.”
“Are you like, like. Like, what…”
“Weeell. Now I know, right, that you’re interested in getting married, and I’m interested in getting married… so if we’re two dogs who are interested in getting married…”
“Then we can get married?”
“Yeah, yeah, maybe. I can call you my husband…”
JJ falls back down into the bed and grabs a pillow, flapping his paws. “Mmmhmm?”
“I can buy you a ring…”
“Yeah?”
“We can be with each other forever?”
“Yeeeeaaaah?”
Hawk chuckles and puts a paw on JJ’s forehead. “Okay, then. That’s settled. I’m gonna propose to you, dog.”
“When?”
“You don’t want it to be a surprise?”
JJ smiles. “Oh my god.”
Hawk leans in and gives him a kiss on the forehead. “I’m gonna go shower off, alright? You came. A lot.”
“Okay. Okay. I love you, Hawk.”
“I love you too, JJ.”