Hawk x JJ 2

I’m jackhammering Hawk right now and there’s only one thought going through my head:

I’m going to marry him.

I’m fucking him so hard that my thoughts are all sort of just slime in my brain, but there’s one thing that keeps coming up. I’m going to marry him. I’m going to marry Hawk. With each thrust, I feel it all throughout my body. I’m going to marry that dog.

I’ve had that thought basically our entire relationship. It’s been a year since we started dating that fateful summer, a year since we moved to California together, and there hasn’t been a day that that thought hasn’t crossed my mind. I already know what domestic bliss with Hawk feels like, what it feels like to be his equal, his boyfriend, the most important person in the world to him. Marriage is just that but official. And just like when we were just friends and I yearned about getting to be something more, now that we’re boyfriends I’m still yearning.

Something about the warm summer air, the way we leave the window open when we’re going to bed and wake up to the smell of petrichor filling our apartment, the world cranking back to where it was a year ago, it’s making that urge bloom once more in my body. I feel within me a swelling, like I’m on a wave in the ocean. I need to marry him. I need to hear him call me his husband, I need him to put a ring on my finger, I need to be with him forever.

“I love you,” I moan, thrusting deep inside of him. “I love you so so so so much…”

JJ is fucking me as hard as he can and there’s only one thought going through my head:

I’m going to marry him.
The thought popped into my head for the first time a couple of weeks ago, after our first (non wetsuit) swim of the summer. We stepped out of the ocean together in our little Speedos, holding paws, warm sand on our feet. Then we toweled off and sat down together to look at the sunset. I looked over to him looking forward with a paw shielding his eyes, squinting, tongue stuck out. I chuckled a little bit, always charmed by JJ’s little quirks. He looked at me and smiled his nervous little smile, then went right back to looking at the oranges and pinks painted across the sky.

And then I sort of just realized it. I want to marry him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. As JJ thrusts himself to me and I feel his warmth fill my entire body, I know this is what it’s like to be one with JJ. Like when we get stoned together and can’t do anything but cuddle, our entire bodies pressed together, fur merging into one big mass. We can be two boyfriends together, two dogs together, we can fuck every single night and fill each other up. We can get married. We can get married and we can be one.

As he lets one last thrust into me, professing his love for me into my ear, I know it to be true. I’m going to get a ring. I’m going to get down on one knee. I’m going to marry him.

“I love you too,” I moan back. “I love you so much, dude.”

After the dogs finish, the two of them fall back onto the bed. With their eyes shut, the warm summer heat pouring in through the window, the two find each other’s paws and hold each other tight.

Hawk takes in a deep breath. “Dude?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you a weird question?”

JJ giggles. “Sure.”

“Do you remember when we met?”

“Is that the weird question? Because I do remember.”

Hawk chuckles. “No, no. Uh. Weird question coming up. I was just thinking, dude. Like. I was so… broken, then. I was so broken then, you know? Sydney had passed away and I couldn’t bear to be in California anymore. I was living in New York with no friends, no family but Keoni, no job, no way to go swimming–”

JJ laughs. “Sorry. That’s just– sorry, please continue.”

“I like swimming, man!”

“I knoooow.”

“But yeah. Everything I knew was turned upside down. And then… you were there. You were coaching me at the construction site and you were so… kind. So kind and so sweet and so funny.” He swallows. “I was broken. I was broken and… you helped put me back together.”

JJ sniffs. “That’s how I feel too.”

“Yeah?”

“Being with East changed my life, but I felt so… different, you know? I felt like I was just his frickin’ dog. I felt below him. I had all of these confusing sexual urges, all of this– JJ, you know, all of this me that didn’t make sense. I loved being with him but I wasn’t me, I was his idea of me. And then we broke up. And after we broke up, what was even left of me, you know? Just some autistic dog.”

“I think you’re a sexy-ass autistic dog.”

“Thank you.” He giggles. “Yeah. I know what it feels like to have all of these pieces of you that just don’t make sense. And you helped me put them back together. I get it.”

“Yeah.”

“Why did you bring that up?”

“Oh.” Hawk grabs his sea shell necklace. “Oh, man. Um. I just wanted to ask you something.”

“Uh huh?”

“And this doesn’t mean anything, this doesn’t like, like this doesn’t mean anything beyond this question, I’m just trying to get a feel for what, you know…”

“What are you talking about?”

“Shit.” Hawk sits up. “Dude, what would you think about getting married?”

JJ shoots up, his tail thwapping against the bed. “What? Like right now?”

Hawk laughs. “Not right now, not right now, but… like… what do you think about just the idea of us getting married someday?”

JJ puts his paws over his face. “Did I say something in my sleep or something?”

“Have you been thinking about it?”

JJ nods sheepishly. “Since the day we started dating.”

Hawk grabs JJ’s paw and holds it tightly in his. “Oh, man.”

“Are you like, like. Like, what…”

“Weeell. Now I know, right, that you’re interested in getting married, and I’m interested in getting married… so if we’re two dogs who are interested in getting married…”

“Then we can get married?”

“Yeah, yeah, maybe. I can call you my husband…”

JJ falls back down into the bed and grabs a pillow, flapping his paws. “Mmmhmm?”

“I can buy you a ring…”

“Yeah?”

“We can be with each other forever?”

“Yeeeeaaaah?”

Hawk chuckles and puts a paw on JJ’s forehead. “Okay, then. That’s settled. I’m gonna propose to you, dog.”

“When?”

“You don’t want it to be a surprise?”

JJ smiles. “Oh my god.”
Hawk leans in and gives him a kiss on the forehead. “I’m gonna go shower off, alright? You came. A lot.”

“Okay. Okay. I love you, Hawk.”
“I love you too, JJ.”

I’m obsessed with the thought of Hawk proposing to me.

Because, like. He said he would. You don’t just idly threaten to propose to someone. Sometime soon, he’s going to get down on one knee and propose marriage to me.

He hasn’t necessarily been flagrant about it, but there have been signs. Like when I’ve walked in on him and he’s immediately shut his laptop (I guess he could have been looking at porn or something), or how he’s been making more calls to his sisters Lanie and Jenn and his cousin Keoni, and more house visits to his parents than usual. When I was groggy in the morning, I felt his paw around mine not just like he was holding it, but like he was trying to figure out my ring size. He says he’s going out surfing with Ranger and Keshawn and Cece and, you know, he comes home with sand in between his toes, but there’s also this knowing glint in his eye. I wouldn’t normally notice things like that, but I’ve been scouring discussion forms online and people say these are the signs to look out for.

So now every day I’m acutely aware that Hawk could be proposing to me at any second. He’ll come and visit me on my lunch break at work and he’ll get down on one knee to tie his shoe and my entire body feels like I’m a bottle of soda during a bumpy car ride. And then he won’t propose to me, obviously, because he’s not going to propose to me with the backdrop of a construction site and all of my random coworkers behind us. Or I’ll go to bring him lunch while he’s coaching summer swim practice and I’ll convince myself he choreographed the middle schoolers to spell out “Will you marry me, JJ?” with their bodies in the pool. It makes absolutely no sense but I’m anxious about it anyway. At any moment, he could propose. It’s thrilling. It’s almost terrifying.

Regardless, Hawk is out surfing with his friends again and I have the apartment to myself. So I do what I’ve been doing for years. Already stripped down nude from the moment I got stepped inside, I wrangle my legs behind my shoulders and I suck my own dick.

I fucking love it. There’s nothing I feel the natural pull to do more than to suck myself off. I’m flexible enough to lock myself into this extremely comfortable position with my dick naturally resting on my muzzle. I slap it against my nose a couple of times, then have fun slithering my tongue around the head of my cock over and over and over again. The spit drips down my cock as I swallow my precum and wag my tail around in happiness.

I do that, as always, for an hour that passes by like it’s been 5 minutes. All of my anxiety, all of the tension in my body, all of that just drips away as I go down on myself.

And then the door opens and Hawk walks in with his surfboard.

“Hey, dude,” he grins.

I give him a wag of the tail and I pull away from my cock. It sits on my muzzle, spit drenching my fur. “Hi.”

He lays his surfboard against the wall and drops his bag, stripping his clothes off and throwing them in a little pile on the floor as he does every time he enters the apartment. “You look so fucking good. I could take a bite of you right now.”

I giggle. “You wanna?”

“Yeeeeeaaaah, duuuuude.” His half-hard cock slaps back and forth as he walks over to me. “Mmmm, just the meal I want after a long day of surfing. And a sandwich, but I’ll make that after.”

And then. He gets down on one knee.

“Woah,” he says. “Are you okay?”

“Wh–” I stammer. He instantly clocked my deadly still tail, my wide eyes, my racing heart. “No no no, I’m okay.”

“Alright, dude, I’m coming in!” He puts a paw on each of my buttcheeks and spreads me apart, then pushes his muzzle in. He gives me a little lap with his tongue, his wet nose pressed into my balls. The slobber against my hole makes my cock pulse. He looks up at me with wide eyes. “What’s up?”

“Nothing…”

He rests his chin on my taint. It’s a very funny position to be making eye contact with him in, my cock clouding most of my view, but he treats it seriously. “JJ, come on.”

“I just…” He’s still sitting there on one knee. “Are you going to propose to me?”

“Like… what do you mean?”

“Like now?”

His face contorts into a wicked smile. “I’m going to propose to you while I’m eating you out while you’re sucking your dick?”

“You’re on one knee!”
“JJ, what are you talking about?” he says, unable to not laugh. He pulls away and leans back, a little stream of precum hanging off his dick. “Dude, I’m gonna do it someplace a little more romantic than this.”

“I just. I don’t know. Like you were on one knee and you could like– like–”

“I’m literally naked. Where would I hide the ring? Your butthole?”

I snort. “I dunno!”

He grins. “Hey, are you nervous about all that? We can– you can get your dick out of your face if you wanna talk about it.”

“I’m a little nervous. And no. I like my dick here. It comforts me.”

“I like it there too.” He grabs my dick and smacks it against my muzzle a couple of times. “I can tell you what my plans are if that would calm you down.”

“Maybe– well, maybe this is a dick down conversation.” I unfold myself from the pretzel I was in and lay down, my back sore after holding myself there for an hour. “Okay.”

“I like how your bar for getting out of dick sucking position is like, severe anxiety, no, proposal discussion, yes.”

“This is serious!”

He grabs my cock and just kind of slaps it around absent-mindedly with his paw. “So. I booked us a flight to New York.”

“Oh my god. When?”

“Later, later in the summer. July. You’ll be able to call out of work well in advance. Do you want to know anything else about it?”

“Are you proposing on the plane?”

“Yeah. In the bathroom where you jerked off on the way here.” He chuckles. “No. I will let you know the day that I’m going to propose.”

“Is it going to be somewhere funny?”

“You are very anxious that I’m going to make our proposal into a comedy skit.”

“I just, I don’t know.”

“No, it won’t be funny. It will be beautiful and romantic.”

“Okay. Okay.”

“Do you feel better about that?”

“I feel way better.”

He wags his tail. “Okay, good. Now I don’t have to make anything up about visiting Keoni. Did you notice I was calling him more? I was trying to make that seem realistic.”

“Oh my god! I knew something was up.”

“You’re vigilant!” He leans on me and gives me a kiss, our dicks pressing together. “Now. You wanna get back to work?”

I nod profusely.

Hawk grins as he gets me right back into position and gets on his knees. “Not proposing!” he reminds me. “Just eating you out!”

He laps at my asshole and jerks himself off as I give myself some sloppy head. We work together so beautifully. I’m whimpering and moaning and batting my tail around with my cock down my throat and Hawk is holding my tail down so I don’t interrupt his careful rimjob.

His tongue starts licking upwards, up my perineum to my balls. He licks all the way up my cock until he laps at my nose. I pull my head back and let my dick spring out. We sit there almost nose-to-nose, just cock in between. I give it a lap and so does he.

So now we’re sitting here, licking my cock, our tounges pressing together around it. He brings the tip into his mouth and goes down on me, then lets go and gives me a turn. We kiss each other, slobber dripping down our chins and onto my dick. I let out a thick pulse of precum and Hawk slurps that all right up.

“Wouldn’t it be really funny…” he says, “If I proposed right now?”

“But you’re not gonna, right?”

He chuckles. “I think I might cum before I do that. Here, stay like that.”

I keep going down on myself as he stands up. He puts a paw on my forehead and jacks himself off, the tip of his dick only a few inches away from me. He shuts his eyes and grits his teeth and goes at himself until he’s dripping his load all over my face and my dick.

I love the warmth painting my face. I pull away from my cock and jerk myself off, letting my dick get slathered in his cum. It only takes a few strokes until I’m there. I open up my maw and let out my load, but most of it ends up flying past my mouth onto my face with Hawk’s cum. I lap up everything that drips onto my tongue, then finally let myself drop into a laying position.

“Fuck!” Hawk says. “God, that was good, dude.”

I pant. “Thank you…”

“Thank you, man. Mmmm. Seriously perfect after a long day of surfing.” He gives me a kiss on my cum covered face. Then he stands up and stretches up, soft now with cum dripping down his thighs. His abs look perfect. “Aaaalright. I’m gonna make a sandwich. You wanna towel, dog?”

I nod, then lay there glowing as he walks to the bathroom to get me a towel. He wipes me off and gives me another kiss on the forehead, then heads to the kitchen. “I love you,” I say.

“I love you!”

Then he heads to the kitchen and hums to himself as he gathers the ingredients for his sandwich.
I am so ready. I am so ready to be married to him for the rest of my life.

Hawk squeezes my bicep. “Look out the window, dude.”

I groggily open my eyes. I was listening to music and somewhere between daydreaming and sleeping. Hawk’s Switch is in his lap and his head is turned. We are in the airplane heading to New York. And outside of the plane, there are a million lights making up Manhattan.

“Woah.”

“I can see your apartment.”

“Do you think they would let us out?”

“I don’t think we need to ask, dude. Just open the door and we can parachute out.”

We spend a couple of minutes discussing the plans for the rest of the night. Take the A train in from JFK, switch to the 1, and then see my family, then we’re going to go have dinner with Keoni before settling into the hotel. I close my eyes and rest my head on Hawk’s shoulder again, daydreaming as I watch the plane circle before finally landing.

It all washes over me like a wave. Being lost in JFK again, looking at the ads on the subway (“I don’t care how skimpy his underwear is, I just don’t get the appeal of Milk,” says Hawk), avoiding the gazes of all the people trying to avoid each other’s gaze. There’s a strange apprehension in me rising up as we hurtle towards Manhattan that I cannot identify.

I’m more-or-less okay all the way up until we enter the streets around my apartment and my paws touch the sidewalk.

This is where it all happened. This is where I grew up, where I went to high school, where I would walk alone every single day. This is where I met Ramone, met East, met Beckett and Meadow and Shep, all of East’s high-society friends. I would get stoned and East would pet my belly like I was his dog while they talked about the intellectual things they studied at Columbia, just a couple of blocks downtown. And this is where I met Hawk on that construction site, where our lives together began.

I’m nervous as we head up to my apartment, and I seem to have forgotten my house keys back in California. Hawk knocks on the door and we wait together.

“Are you excited?” he asks, grinning.

I nod back and let out a whimper.

The door opens. My mom is there. She envelops us both in a hug.

“JJ!” she says. “And Hawk! My sunkissed lovebirds!”

“Hey, Mrs. Hartford,” Hawk responds like we’re 16 and he’s picking me up for prom.

“Please,” she says. “Call me Lena. Come in, come in.”

My sister is standing there too, now 17 years old. She hugs me tersely and gives Hawk a fist bump. “Shoshanna!” he says, “Dude, how are you doing?”

“I’m good! I just took the SAT.”

“Dude, fuck the SAT.”
“Thank you. Fuck it. Jesus.”

We all head up into the living room. “Rebekah’s picking Ev up from her work program,” my mom says, dropping a plate of crudité and dip in front of us. “Should be over soon.”

“JJ, you’re getting married!” Shoshanna exclaims.

“Just engaged,” I clarify. “And I don’t know, it’s up to Hawk.”

“I’m going to engage you so hard, dude.”

“Tell us everything,” my mom says.

Hawk talks for us, thankfully leaving out all the nudity and speedo-wearing that went on in our relationship. My family got to know Hawk pretty well since he was always coming over well before we started dating, but this is the first time they’ve seen us in a relationship. (“I always knew it,” my sister whispered to me as we got up to get water, “You didn’t hide it very well.”)

But my god I am on edge. I sink further and further into Hawk, deeper into the couch, shut up even more than I was shutting up before. Hawk is a yapper and very charismatic, so of course my mom and my sister fucking love him. I just kind of sit there and listen to them talk, completely overwhelmed.

My aunt and my older sister, Ev, show up. She’s autistic and much higher support needs than I am and doesn’t really know how to stay on the thread of a conversation. Thankfully, we focus on her for a little bit. I love Ev so much, so hearing her talk about her day at work and the videos she’s been watching definitely calms me down. I’m so thankful she has no real interest in asking about what’s been up in California since I’ve been gone.

And then, of course, we start talking about me and Hawk again, and I just feel like crying. I have to excuse myself in the middle of a sentence and head over to my room, where I throw myself on the bed and sob into my paws. Looking up, I see my old box TV, my Survivor posters and VHS tapes, the string lights and my plushies and my old shag carpet and my stacks and stacks of boxes filled with old drawings. That only makes me cry more. I thwack my tail against the bed and try to shut the fuck up and cry silently but I just can’t.

There’s a knock at my door. After a lifetime of living here, my family has learned to not walk in on me in my room, so I know it’s Hawk.

“Hey, dude,” he says, sitting on the edge of my bed. He puts a paw on my thigh as I shakily pick myself up. “What’s up?”

“I’m really overwhelmed,” I let out through a couple of sobs.

“Do you want me to be here?”

I nod.

“They didn’t hear anything,” he says. “You just seemed off so I figured I’d see what’s up.”

I lay back down on the bed and shove a pillow over my face. It still smells like it did all that time ago. I’m not sure a single object in here has been touched in the time since.

“Duuuude,” he chuckles as I calm down. “We’d have our little sleepovers here, remember?”

“Yeah.”
“Listen to your music, watch Survivor, talk about leaky cock–”

I let out a huge sob.

“Sorry, sorry, no cock.”

I laugh. “Oh my god, I’m sorry. We can talk about cock. I love cock.”

“Hey hey hey.” He lies down next to me. “You’re all good, dog. All good. I love cock too.”
“I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. I’m sorry.”

“I was all weird when I went back to California for the first time in years, right? I didn’t even call my parents for a while and I was right there. Of course it’s going to be weird coming back to New York. Plus we just had an exhausting flight and then a billion hours on the barely air conditioned subway. You’re going to be out of whack.”

I nod. “I just need to, like, decompress.”

“You wanna stay here while I have dinner with Keoni?”

“Is that okay?”

“Yeah, dude. We’ll see him later anyway.”

“Are you okay with that?”

“Course, man. Why don’t you hang out here and I’ll swing back around in a couple of hours and we’ll head to the hotel room?”

“Okay.” I nuzzle my head into the crook of his neck. “Thank you.”

“I love you, JJ.”

“I love you too, Hawk.”

He stands up. “I’ll tell your family what’s up.”
“Okay. Bye. I love you.”

He smiles. “It’s like I’m leaving the sleepover!”

And then he steps out the door and shuts it.

And suddenly, I am alone in my childhood bedroom again.

I just sit there for a moment and take it all in. Feel the cool bedsheets. Look out the window at the view I’ve seen my whole life. This was my childhood bedroom, but I was an adult here too. I slept here exclusively until I was 20, then kind of switched between sleeping here and at East’s apartment. But after we broke up, I was still in here, sleeping in the same bed I was sleeping in as a puppy and as a teenager. I was here until I was 24, until Hawk and I moved across the country together.

I spend a bit just looking around. There are literally half-finished drawings on the floor right now. I look through my closet at some of the winter jackets I wanted to bring with me to California but didn’t have the space for, at an old pizza crust that is so hard you could break a brick with it, at my briefs still in a clothing bin in the corner of the room. And then I get to my bedside table and I find my overflowing stash of weed.

Well. When in New York.

I light a bowl and take a hit, breathing out my open window. My mom has either never noticed or never commented on the smell, so I figure my method still works. My heart rate slows down and I stop wagging my tail so much, thank god. I lay down on my bed and close my eyes and just try to breathe.

What the hell is wrong with me? I grab my tail and start slowly running my paw through my fur. I should be so happy right now. I’m seeing my family. I’m seeing my hometown. I’m about to get engaged for fuck’s sake.

Thankfully, being stoned, I can’t hold onto that thought for very long. It’s the reason I was stoned every day as a teenager. Hard to be anxious when you can’t even remember what you were thinking about. I quickly get caught up in the physical sensation of stroking my tail, how nice and fluffy my fur feels in my paws.

And then one thing leads to another and, well.

I get very concerned with cumming all over my clothing, so I strip those off, and I get up and make sure the door is locked about three times, and then, fuck, after that, I start jerking off. I am stoned out of my mind and every little stroke feels so good. I put one paw over my muzzle to keep myself quiet and, kneeling on my bed like I’ve done so many times before, I pump out my load. I did say I needed to decompress and this is exactly how I decompressed every single day, multiple times a day for about 10 years before meeting Hawk.

I’m thinking about getting into self-sucking position when I realize I’ve gone too far and I’m going to cum any second now, so I stick my paw out instead and catch my ropes of cum. I shut my eyes tight and let it pour out of me, then as I finish, I unassuredly stare at my paw. I bring it up to my mouth and lap it all up even as the post-nut clarity hits, but I want to eat it all up so much anyway that I don’t care.

I lick my paw clean, and then wipe it against the bed, humiliated.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I could be with my family, I could be with Hawk and Keoni, I could be doing anything else. But I’m sitting here in my childhood bedroom, stoned out of my mind, eating my own cum like I’m still 18 years old.

And then, in the post-nut clarity, the high wearing off, I realize what I’m so upset about.

I feel like a puppy again.

I feel just as sad and lonely and confused as I was the whole time I was a teenager, the whole time I was living here.

Maybe I just don’t feel like it. Maybe I am still a puppy.

Maybe I’m not ready for this.

I clean myself up, get dressed, and then head outside for a walk. My family has all dispersed at this point so it’s just me. I head over to Riverside Park, the place I spent so many hours as a teenager, and look over to the Hudson River.

Leaning on the railing, I watch the water in the river ripple below me. I shut my eyes tight.

“Puppy?”

I open my eyes and look to my left at the voice that just called my name.

“East?”