My eyes open and I peer at the microwave on the other side of my dorm room. Everything is blurry. This is the same way I’ve woken up the entire semester, too stubborn to get a wall clock or find a better place for my phone. I have to stare at the little red numbers on the microwave display through blurry vision and try to figure out what the hell time it is first thing after being thrust awake. And, sure enough, like every other day this semester, it’s 6:59.
My alarm goes off. Hello, world.
I sit at the edge of the bed, my paws planted firmly in my shag carpet, and I stretch. It feels good to let sleep slip off of me. I sit there and let everything in me adjust to being awake. I feel it in my paws, I feel it in my tail, I feel it in my muzzle. I am here and I am awake.
Today’s the day I’m going to do my morning routine. Instead of waking up and falling asleep 12 times before I get a good hour of Youtube Shorts time in and then trudge my way to my 10 AM discrete structures class, I am going to be a healthy dog who makes healthy choices.
The, um, boner isn’t helping, though.
Ever since my roommate dropped out the second week of college (god bless his heart), I’ve been sleeping completely in the nude. I couldn’t do it at home so I’ve been relishing the opportunity to do so. I really like it. It’s so freeing. And usually in the morning, unencumbered by boxers or a tee-shirt, I casually jerk off while thinking about, you know, whatever. Fantasies of men from my Middle English lit in speedos, oiling each other under the hot sun. Whatever. Maybe, just like how I wake up a minute before my alarm every day, I’ve trained my body to expect to cum right afterwards. Just sitting here in bed, taking deep breaths in and out like all of those Instagram posts say to, I am rock hard and not getting any softer.
Regardless, I stand up and stretch again. Here I am. I have a video of a yoga routine saved, but I think it might be best to start small. I can do five minutes of meditation every day, I hope, but I’m definitely not going to be able to will myself to do a 20 minute yoga routine. I take the candle off of my desk that my mom sent me in a care package that I’m definitely not allowed to have in my room and I light it, then I play a five minute spa song on my phone. Hopefully I don’t just fall asleep. I take a seat in the lotus position on the floor in front of my bed and close my eyes. The morning light shines on me and I feel its warmth. Here I am.
I take a deep breath in and out and try to find some intentionality right now. I am supposed to acknowledge every thought that comes to my head and let it float away like a cloud in the breeze. Okay.
This is stupid. Nope, let it float away. Float away, thought.
In and out. I focus on the sensation of the air leaving my nose, the feeling of a specific atom of cartilage. When I was a kid I was always so scared of breaking atoms and causing an explosion. Float away.
I am rock hard. Float away. I am rock fucking hard. Float away. Somehow, in trying to clear my head, in trying to be aware of my body, I am noticing my rock hard erection – there’s gotta be some good irony in that which the speedo men in my Middle English class would like. Like Colton. That asshole with his stupid speedo pics on his Instagram story. What kind of asshole wears speedos in 2024? He’s not European. He’s from Fresno. Fresno isn’t even on the water. What water is he swimming in? How does he stay so ripped?
FLOAT THE FUCK AWAY!!!
This clearly isn’t working. I glance down and I’m not even three minutes into the song, all of it’s wind chimes and mellow synths mocking me for opening my eyes. My gaze shifts to my cock which throbs when I look at it. It’s not funny at all. I’m trying to meditate here.
I take a deep breath and try once again to meditate, but I shift my thighs and it brushes up against my dick and that’s enough to set me off. All I can think about now is the sensation in my dick rubbing on my thigh. I hold it in my paw and rub it once absentmindedly, and then I do it again, and then the whole plan to meditate is out the window.
Goddamnit, I love jerking off. I don’t know how I could have ever denied this to myself, stupid dog. I lean back against the bed frame and let my thighs sink into the carpet and I really start jerking myself off. It’s the most comfortable, most warm, most lovely feeling.
I thwap my tail against the carpet. The sun shining in really is beautiful. My window looks out onto a bunch of trees, so it’s not like anyone can see into my room. Thus, my body is available for the entire sky to see. I close my eyes and really enjoy the feeling as I rub myself between the head of my penis and the shaft. I’m precumming a little already.
“Mmmph…” I whisper to myself. I was trained to be a quiet masturbator after years of having a paper-thin wall between me and the rest of the house. Now that I have no roommate and my neighbors can’t hear me or are too scared to knock on my door and tell me to shut up, I’ve learned I really like being loud. I get a little louder with my moaning. “Mmmppphh… fuuuck… fuck, that’s good…”
I don’t realize I started going faster until I hear the thwacking of my wrist against my thigh. It feels fucking good. After so long I’ve learned exactly what my dick likes, exactly where to put it, exactly what to do when. I can jerk off for five minutes or five hours and I’ve got it all figured out.
I sit my thighs up and push my dick down between them as I continue to jerk off. The angle feels so good. I grit my teeth and keep going. “Fuck fuck fuck,” I moan to myself. “Fuuuuck… mmmm… that fucking cock… shiiiiit.”
My mind is completely empty as I bring myself to completion. The process takes full concentration. I have to stop jerking myself at just the right time, start again, and stop, all in rapid succession, all in time with my body’s cues. I breathe in and out and squeeze my eyes as tight as I can. It’s almost here, if I can just…
And there we go. Orgasm overwhelms me. I can’t move one inch – I keep my paw squeezed right around my cock as it throbs in time with my heartbeat, thick ropes of cum blasting forward. I cannot breathe. I just focus on cumming. I feel it in my toes, in my tail, all over my body. Wonderful wonderful orgasm.
The glow afterwards is the best part. This is what heaven feels like. I close my eyes softly and enjoy it, warm light coating my body, calm everywhere.
I almost fall asleep, actually, before the thought of my morning routine lulls me back awake. And then there I am once more in the real world.
I look down at my cock, cum coating my thighs and leaking down onto the carpet, and I laugh. Meditating couldn’t clear my mind. The only way I could focus on the physicality of living and let all thoughts go was busting a fat one. Would you look at that?